Friends that Hurt You

Ever met that one friend in your life, that one person that would seem to always come around to push you into depression ? Yes, I have, and I don't know how to struggle through this pain sometimes. Sometimes I feel so tired, I don't want to feel anymore.

I'm a borderline Bipolar sufferer, with numerous Depression episodes for more then a decade. I've seek treatment, only to gotten worse from my horrible Psychiatrist and the medications, so I just stop seeking help and hide, and live day by day, getting by.

People, who choose to act without considering others feelings. I can name a few I know, many whom I can love and tolerate, in fact I do love and tolerate them anytime but just that sometimes I get weary and tired. All my life, I'm always the victim, why can't people just leave me and my life alone..

Worse still there's people out there, that do what they do just for attention, for fun, irregardless of what others feel.

"Hide it.." I tell myself every time.

"You've been through worse, you can do it again"

"You're being stupid and selfish. Now stop being a bitch" sometimes my inner voice lash out at me.

But regardless of what goes on my my mind, one thing that is for sure, is my heart hurts and I don't understand my tears. It's like life doesn't want me to be happy. Whenever I get happy, something happens, or maybe is just my mental health getting in my way.

Whatever it is, its horrid sometimes, and I don't want to get people worried bout me, and I definitely don't want people to leave me because of how I am. Thus, I hide as much as I can, but sometimes, I don't even know how to feel anymore. I can't stop how I am feeling, easier said then done, but at the same time I don't know what I should feel anymore.

How would you feel if your boyfriend and another guy is flirting via a straight pairing (different gender) Original Characters. You may think you don't really care, specially if you are a guy. But to see my boyfriend switching his OC's gender just specially to pair with another guy's OC and they are having fun having a go at it just feels like a little stab in my heart.

Don't get me wrong, I trust my boyfriend with all my heart. I definitely know he's not gay and I know he loves me. Just that his OC has always been paired with mine, and he said to me before "I'm gunna pair all my OC with yours!" Whatever happened to that promise, or were they just empty words.. I do not know, all I know I dunno why I'm depressed tho I know I probably shouldn't be..

Fact that this guy claims hes in love with my boyfriend's OC, then runs off rp cybersex with someone else's OC. He also keep repeatedly reply to threads where he talk about my boyfriend's OC even tho no one replied to it as if to bump them on purpose when no one is talking in it anymore. Then he claims how sad he is when he goes to another thread and post and laugh. For attention ? I don't know, all I know is that it hurts me, it's cruel and I'm struggling to hide it..

I know it's going to be a matter of time when my boyfriend will start making art with the guy's OC, and probably even R34. And the guy will do the same. I do not know how to feel about it. I really don't anymore.

Broken promises or not, I don't even know the source of this pain. How can I let such little things upset me.. Maybe its just me and I need to grow up and stop being a baby.. I just need to.. I have to..